That's What Friends are For

Ruth and Maddi 1966

Maddi and I met in 1962, our freshman year at Wheelock College in Boston. It was the time of JFK ...The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show ... of dancing the jitterbug to The Everly Brothers...and hanging out in coffee houses listening to folk music and Blue Grass. It was a time of war protests and flower children and women's lib and lots of important changes, but women married young and had children soon thereafter. That's what we did, and we went separate ways, but we remained close friends through the years despite the thousands of miles that separated us.

Fast forward 52 years. We are together again. Maddi has had extremely invasive and extensive back surgery, her fifth, and I am at her home in Houston to help her husband care for her during the first two weeks home. It has been a very hard time for Maddi, but I'm so glad I've been able to be here for her.

The flowers outside the bedroom window have been the bright spot in our dreary days, and I discovered a hatched bird's egg on my walk yesterday. From the time I arrived in Houston until today, day twelve, I have been focused on Maddi and how I could help her be somewhat comfortable. Raindrops, flowers, and the tiny daily changes taking place nearby do not go unnoticed at a time like this. It's interesting how everything slows way way down when there is no to-do list and really no past and future.  Here's the scene:

Maddi and Gene's house is at the end of the road next
to the turn-around spot. The gate at the end of the lane separates
their development from others that are situated up and down the
street outside of the gate. There are no sidewalks along the street, but I did find a nice path/gravel road to walk on yesterday.

When I arrived in Houston, I went to the hospital to see Maddi. Although I knew she'd had very big surgery, seeing her in the hospital bed with all the bells and whistles and attendees was sobering and a bit scary. "What if she falls!" "What if she takes too many pills!" The what ifs flooded my mind as I realized she was not capable of taking care of herself physical OR mentally and she wouldn't be much better when we took her home three days later.

Houston Orthopedic Surgical Hospital

Dr. Marco checks the fit of
the brace she must wear for
three months.

Ever vigilant, Maddi tries to think clearly
and understand the regimen they've
laid out. However, it will be days before she can think straight.

   

Once we got Maddi home, the challenges were many: how to keep track of pills, how to arrange pillows to support her back in the most comfortable way possible (which was never comfortable), how to feed her and give her drinks when she couldn't sit in a chair for more than five minutes and couldn't eat lying down, how to sooth her hurting body, and how to get her up and down and strap on the brace and get her walking when that was the last thing she wanted to do. We were a clumsy team with the best of intentions and day by day things went more smoothly. Each had new surprises and set backs, but each also had obvious improvements.

Dinner is served!

Maddi didn't eat much, but
 Gene made sure he and I ate well.

First outing, and yes, it hurts!

 Maddi always does her very best...
she will make this new back work even if it kills her
And the way it's treating her today, it just might! Ouch!

And at the end of each day, I tuck Maddi in with her six support pillows,
turn off the light, and collapse. I have a new appreciation for
caregivers and nurses! It is hard work, good work, and exhausting work
mentally and physically.

"The ultimate touchstone of friendship is in witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone, and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them, to have believed in them and sometimes, to have accompanied them on a journey impossible to accomplish alone. "  David Whyte